The Moral Case for Aliens Eating Humans

If one day aliens live among us, should they eat us? An alien point of view.

When Earth’s governments admitted UFOs were real in 2022, we in the alien community were concerned. After hiding in plain sight for thousands of years, the admission meant we had to finally live together in harmony. We didn’t know how the transition from watching to living among the humans would go, but so far in the current year of 2122, the last hundred years have been pretty spectacular.

That being said, some of our fellow citizens are upset over humans being farmed for food by aliens. But let me explain why we aliens are on firm moral ground in the consumption of human meat.

Our technology is beyond human understanding; ships dropping into the ocean in an instant, perfect right angle turns in midair while traveling at unheard speeds, and breaking all Earthlings’ understanding of the laws of physics. Humans look at us the way ants look at humans; our intelligence is far beyond their understanding. Therefore, to us, it’s perfectly moral to eat human meat, the same way a human wouldn’t lose sleep over eating a sardine or a chicken, or stepping on an ant.

Yes, we can live perfectly well off of plants, but we love the way humans taste. Alien sensory pleasure outweighs the humans’ will to live because in our mind, humans are merely here for food. What other uses would humans serve? They’re stupid. To us, humans seem to have some sort of communication and relationship structures in their kingdoms, but it’s so primitive compared to our ways of communication, we’re not even sure humans are sentient.

Humans may feel fear, pain, and have the ability to suffer, but from an alien perspective, human emotions are a fraction of ours. In fact, human beings’ emotions are most likely a neurological response to environmental stimulus, and nothing more. The fact is, humans aren’t capable of alien emotions.

We are also on moral high ground because we humanely kill humans. Alien farmers provide ample living space for humans inside of an enclosed, inescapable space. Then, after a few years of feeding humans massive amounts of grain and restricting exercise to cause obesity, we humanely end the human’s life by stunning it with a blow to the head, hanging it upside down, and slitting its throat until it bleeds out. We are not barbarians who take pleasure in human killing. In fact, we respect humans a great deal. And the time before the humans are sent to slaughter, we aliens care deeply about their welfare, and try to provide the best life we can for them.

Some fellow aliens don’t even like the human dairy industry. Yes, human females are forcibly impregnated in cages, and while after nine months, their offspring are taken away from them and either slaughtered or kept as future dairy humans, we assure you this is all moral behavior. Alien mothers can speak telepathically with their babies and unionize their souls in communication and love. We deeply understand our fellow aliens. Our maternal relationships are boundless. Human maternal relationships, while present, are primordial at best. They don’t experience relationships anywhere near the way aliens do.

Humans sacrifice for us because we love human milk.

Since we arrived, we have developed a culture around eating and hunting humans. Various family gathering and alien holidays are celebrated by slaughtering humans for a feast. Every year, our Great Lord Emperor comically pardons one human before our Giving Thanks holiday, and we all sit around and have a good chuckle. It’s how we bond with family and friends. It’s part of what makes life enjoyable. It’s just part of alien culture.

A truck full of humans being taken to slaughter shouldn’t be met with horror. Instead, we should know that these humans lived a good life and will be humanely processed. Humans should be respected, even praised because they are giving their life to sustain us.